I like ianthe. But in the real world, they call me Livy,
which I guess is pretty enough. in.a.minute is how I approach a great many things.
I'm 23 and live in Melbourne, Australia. Email,
of course, is optional. However, the
guestbook is mandatory.
in.a.minute we have but minutes to live
Tuesday, April 30, 2002
at 6:19 AM "There she goes" We are an awfully young production team down at Fame. I think our average age is about 23 or 24. Isn't that way cool?! It means we get to be incredibly stupid and hyper and dance the whole length of the school hall and be super idiotic. Also means the kids find us easier to approach. Especially if you are incredibly hyper and laugh with them and joke with them and spur them on with infectious energy.
For example ...
"Stuey, she's PO'ed at you. REACT! It's no good smirking at her when she's just dissed you, man."
"CARL! Try not to poke Simone's eye out with that thing."
"Alicia, put some piazzaz and style into that hip twirl. You're on fire, girl!"
"Soooooppppppppphiiiiiiiiiiiie!!!!!!! Do the Wham thing!!"
"What are you doing in this scene? Yeah? Show me. OMG, that looks too cool. You guys are brilliant."
"And, 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. Go!"
"And from the top once more. You're doing very well, guys."
I'm having a rip-roaring time. I have so much faith in this production, I'm extending an invitation to everyone who is or who will be in Melbourne in the last week of July to come see this exuberant high school production. It's going to beat the socks of last year's Fiddler on the Roof, and that was excellent - it was full house nearly every night.
Now, the challenge is for you to find out where Fame is going to be held.
*laughs*
*sobers up*
I shall remember I said that in the final weeks before opening night.
Tempers are fraying. Everyone's exhausted, due to lack of sleep and the constant go, go go. Stressed, not eating very well. Our respective other halfs are just vague images at this stage. We are begining to panic because the cheography hasn't been completely worked out yet, never mind thinking about tightening it. We never seem to be able to have a complete run. The lights are dodgy. Sound hasn't arrived yet. The scaffolding is in the way, and the sets are being painted as we have final rehearsals. Some of the scenes blocked earlier has to be rehearsed again because the actors have forgotten where they're meant to be. We have to push and push again at the actors to get quality performance out of them, running scenes again and again. The kids are cranky and are making lots of noise. We are losing focus, and we have to do ten things at once.
I shall, I have to remember my confidence and my enthuasiasm then.
Monday, April 29, 2002
at 11:09 AM Nah-ah No more talk about my Oddball. I refuse to entertain demands to talk about my Oddball. Let's talk about your Oddball instead.
Or dodgy flatmates.
Or irritating siblings.
Or the state of petrol prices.
Or how cold it is.
Or how we have like no time, no money, and thus, cannot go shopping every day.
Or how uni absolutely sucks, and how I positively disliked the Year 11s. I felt like I was going to war everytime I had to teach them.
Or how much a stud Chong is. Truly, he is. (I'm sucking up to him. I hurt his feelings by saying his shirt was revolting, and consequently, I don't think he's speaking to me. *mourns*)
Stop laughing. It was a truly yuck .. ok, we won't go there.
Stop laughing!
Fine. I am going to soak up the adulation of my Year 12s.
Ack, I think one of the kids have a slight crush on me.
Someone stop laughing. Right. Now.
Sunday, April 28, 2002
at 7:51 PM Collabs RBJ April Collabs up. Go there, ya?
at 7:24 AM "I try but I can't get myself to think of anything but you"
Yelch. I'm a pathetic fool.
I will not descend into the depths of icky sentimentality. I will not. I will not. I WILL NOT!
I tell you, I will not!
Ow, my teeth hurt from gritting them too hard.
I will be an independent woman. I will be in control of my emotions and of my thoughts. I will remain relatively sane. I will not let myself be seduced into a tantrum. I will ignore irritating people. I will let things go and be carefree, mind-free. I will carry my own weight in the world. And I will pump that wonky left front tyre of my car, without yelling for assistance!
"And I find girls who take money from their boyfriends to shop are.....ugh, I don't want to go there. More often or not, I find my male friends struggling to support their extravagant ( why be thrifty when the money isnt yours mentality ) girlfriends by ways of paying for their petrol consumption, I mean, for the car to pick her up, back and everywhere she wants to go, subsidise their meals ( since whenever the bill comes, there was no effort from her to reach for her handbag ), always have to take the inevitable hints; ' Oh look! That bear is so cute! ', ' uh -huh', ' I want I want! '. Girl looks at boy. Boy go ?. Girl pouts. Boy say, if you like buy loh. Girl squeals and thrust the teddybear into boy's hand and disappear into the ladies section. You get the idea."
How do they breed the women down there, if that seems to be the norm? Thorny vaguely mentioned it once. "Me? A girlfriend?! I can't even take a girl to the movies, I'm so broke!"
Uh, girls in my part of the world pay for their own movie tickets. My empowered girlfriends and I pay our own meals. We pay for our clothes, our car petrol, our knicks knacks. Independent women, yeah! We allow males to pay for our drinks (maximum two!) and some of our meals, but only occassionally, when we want to indulge their macho image.
He and I got into a laughing argument once when he tried to buy me dinner in the heady 'I like him/her, but omg, does he/she like me?' days. I was in a good mood that day, so finally, I demurred girlishly.
"Yeah, okay. FINE!"
The boys never buy me anything, though. Maybe I should send them down to Christchurch to re-educate them. Pamper your sisters first, boys, before you pamper your girlfriends. Blood is thicker than water, after all.
Saturday, April 27, 2002
at 8:33 PM So we hear A little birdie tells me an ex-schoolmate is pregnant. The same ex-schoolmate who announced her marriage in the papers late last year, and had us issuing incredulous gasps at eating sessions.
"No! You're kidding!!!"
"OMG! No way!!"
"What?!!"
"OMG!!"
"When?!! Oh my goodness!!!"
Sunrise, sunset. Sunrise, sunset.
Time moves on in its own merry way.
*laughs*
Friday, April 26, 2002
at 4:16 PM Whoppee!! First teaching rounds officially over as of an hour ago!!
Never have two weeks been so long. And my, what a steep learning curve.
I must celebrate!
*checks contents of purse*
Ack. Broke.
at 5:50 AM Sugar, baby, sugar I like pretty things. Gorgeous things. Things that makes my heart sigh and beat a little bit faster because they're so beautiful. Or damn fine, with a nice ass, uh behind.
He occasionally objects to my appreciation of damn fine things. Perhaps, I do gush a little too much about their beauty, and perhaps, it was rather idiotic of me to mention my appreciation of damn fine things to him - the male ego, you know.
So, to address his protests.
Dearest,
You have a damn fine ass, uh behind, too. I like the way you break the path for me, kinda like one of those ice ships thingy in the Artic Circle breaking ice for little bitty boats. Gives me a chance to check out your ass, uh behind, at the same time.
You're not too tall for my 5' petite frame, and I can wear heels when I'm with you without having to worry I'll be towering over you. I don't have to look to the skies to look at you either, and my poor back thanks you for that.
You have pretty eyes. Very pretty eyes. That's my favourite bit of you, well ... apart from your ass, uh behind. Such pretty eyes. I feel safe when I look into your eyes. Safe, safe as houses.
I don't shudder at your touch, which is good. Very good. I like your touch. It's a nice touch. And I like to touch you. The other blokes .. well, I wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole even if they're beautiful things with damn fine asses, uh behinds. If they touch me, I would shriek like a banshee and run like the wind in the opposite direction. If you touch me .... honey, I leave that to your imagination.
You make me laugh - at me, and at everything. You talk to me - about everything, and I mean, everything. You listen, albeit selectively sometimes - even when I'm mad, and not speaking to you. You anchor me when I'm in one of my heady, omg-i-can't-stop-i'm-so-busy-i'm-stressed flights. You stick with me even when I tell you I'm in a filthy mood.
You don't email, you hate to write. You have atrocious eating habits, and you smoke. You have weird sleeping patterns. You won't let me have a ciggie when I say I desperately need one, and you have views on how girls ought to behave, like every other male. The music you love, I hate. The movies you find hilarious and 'cute', I find dumb. And sometimes, you really like to dictate what I can wear, and what I cannot wear.
So you're not at all perfect.
But I smile when I think of you. I am reassured that "God's in His heaven, all right in the world" whenever I hear your voice. Your very presence uplifts me, and expands my sight. Nothing's ever complicated when I'm with you, everything will always work out alright when I'm with you. You give me strength when despair descends upon me, and your very presence comforts me.
You have accepted me for who I am, for what I am. You have never tried to change me. And that, dearest, is the sweetest thing you have ever done. My attachment to you is deep and rooted. Like big tree, ya? Remember that.
So, dearest, having said all that, may I go out and check out other damn fine asses, uh behinds now? And may I go develop small crushes on really intense, good looking guys, and, and go flirt with them, now?
Pretty please? With sugar on top?
That should settle him!
Thursday, April 25, 2002
at 10:00 PM I lust after ... Black knee high boots.
A new warm coat.
A cherry red scarf.
Gloves that actually fit.
Strawberry cheesecake.
An apricot danish.
A cup of hot chocolate.
A sheaf of new paper.
A cheeky smile, a laugh for me.
A pile of videos and him.
at 10:58 AM Haha! Mother-of-mine rang last night and casually passed on Dad's new mobile phone number.
*laughs*
Dad, with a phone?! The last time he maintained a phone, he had it switched off most of the time!
Perhaps he will be do better this time, and will actually answer his phone when it rings.
I now await the day Mother comes around and announces that The Young Boy has been given one. Then the whole family will be armed with pesky, irritating, shrill toned mobile phones.
Haha!
Wednesday, April 24, 2002
at 6:43 PM "Put in your application now" The Musical Director of Fame snapped his fingers and said excitedly, "Are you doing an internship program in your course?"
"Uhhh, y-y-yeah," I stammered. "Next year."
"Put in your application for that for this school now!"
"But, but, but ... I went to this school! I didn't think they would take me, because I went here!"
"Put it in! Talk to Mr. B! Or even try to do your second or third rounds here."
"But, but, but .. I went here! The placement co-ordinator would not put me here because I went here!"
That's twice this month someone has told me to put my internship applications in now.
Maybe I should.
The MD really thought I should do it. Put in an application for my old high school. He implied I would get it, easy. I'm torn between apprehension and excitement.
The kids at my old high school are terrific. They're bright, motivated, polite and they have a fantastic performing arts program. Now. I've built up a good rapport with the kids that are in the production and they're a joy to work with. I know some of the teachers, old and new.
The performing arts program there is what I'm drawn towards the most. I love my involvement in it, although it is on a casual, non-permanent basis. My involvement in the production last year, and the interactions between the kids and other members of the production team - it was what triggered my decision to abandon engineering. The idea of being involved in it as a student teacher, having semi-official status, planning and expanding the program, and the possibility of being offered a job at the end of the internship should I be accepted ....
The suggestion is very tempting. Very, very tempting. I don't think I would be offered something like this in another school, since I would be primarily a Science teacher, at least not immediately.
But should I be doing rounds in familiar surroundings because I know it will be an easy adjustment for me? Shouldn't I be going after new experiences instead?
Something to consider. At least, I should go talk to Mr B.
Tuesday, April 23, 2002
at 8:40 PM "With a little more energy this time" Another addition to the Fame team - an intense looking, tall dark guy, ie Tall Dark Guy. Good looking in a tall, dark, intense, handsome way. A dreamboat, more or less. Beautiful modulated voice too. Always have been a sucker for beautiful voices.
I walked into this afternoon's rehearsal, saw him and went to myself, "Do I know him? He looks familiar." Turns out he graduated from the same school, in the same year that I did. We don't remember each other.
*frowns* Did that make sense?
So anyhow, he's a gorgeous thing.
Meanwhile, Fame is just a tad risque for a high school production. So risque that The Director cut out a rather explicit song out of the script. It was called, "Can't keep it down." I leave it up to your imagination to figure out what that song was about.
It's going to be great. Super fun. Super, super, super sensational.
I can't wait till opening night.
Have I mentioned the team will be making cameo appearances?
at 6:37 AM Ancient My body is so buggered this morning, I'm beginning to have murderous tendencies. This aches, and that aches, and that pops when I stretch, and this groans when I bend over, and most importantly, my brain is not functioning very well. Again.
Thank the many deities and guardian angels I'm not facing the Year 11s this morning. They're on a study skills program today. Yippee!
I'm setting a test for them today week. I like watching them squirm.
Haha!!
Jia bonked me and asked me why I so very rarely talk about my 'other half'.
Eh.
No comment.
Monday, April 22, 2002
at 9:39 PM Ack! I've been accepted into a leadership program at uni. I'm committed to (more than just a few) seminars. And camps. And other stuff. And more other stuff.
Ack.
*studies her schedule carefully for some quality self time*
Double ack.
at 9:30 PM "I'm gonna live forever" Enter Italian Dude (so called because he's Italian) - an addition to the Fame production team.
Happy, happy, joy, joy.
Italian Dude is a great actor, with a wonderful feeling for the lines and delivers them thoughtfully. I worked with him last year, and he's great!
Happy, happy, joy, joy.
The kids looked somewhat pleased to see me when The Director introduced me. I walked in late, munching franctically at the Uncle Toby's Soft Bakes I was meant to eat at lunch.
"And oh, this is Olivia. Some of you may remember her from last year. She'll be working with some of you leads and characters."
I ducked a sketchy curtsy, clicked my heels together, munched at my Uncle Toby's Soft Bakes and waved at the kids I knew.
Rehearsals went very well. Very, very well for a first rehearsal. They're a very talented bunch.
Happy, happy, joy, joy.
I need bed.
at 6:31 AM Morning has not broken Lesson plans for the rest of the week are complete .. or as near complete as can be, plans being plans. Nothing is set in ten tonnes of concrete. It shouldn't be. How are you going to extricate yourself under ten tonnes of concrete otherwise?
The day has started well, despite having only three hours of sleep. It does mean I shall be walking around dopey-eyed at about 2 o'clock in the afternoon. But that's okay, I have a lovely Year 12 Chemistry class then. They're not likely to bite me - unlike the Year 11 Business Management class.
Then I have after school Fame rehearsals to look forward to. That should wake me up, and completely de-stress me.
I should start every day with a brief early morning conversation with him, uh people. It puts me in a real mellow mood. I am generally a lamb after an early morning groping, uh conversation. No murderous tendencies at all. Nary a single one.
The boys may snap at me all they want now. It's going in out one ear and out the other this morning.
Unfortunately, I was in a blur-ish, airhead, bimbo mode at the time. I had nothing *sparky* to say to her at all.
*awed eyes*
at 3:08 PM An empty shelf A friend coined the tagline "technically single, emotionally attached" in one of our frequent eating sessions when I was last Home. You know ... plenty of chemistry between parties, but nothing has been said.
We laughed our heads off over the tagline - thought it wonderfully apt for our situations.
I don't know about her, but I can't use that tagline anymore.
It no longer applies.
Saturday, April 20, 2002
at 6:29 PM Sleepy-eyed Jason takes forever to decide on what to buy. Even longer than I do! And I'm female!
Duh.
I dragged him out this morning to buy a winter coat. He had been mumbling for ages he wants/needs one, but never did get off his butt to actually go out and get one. After 3 hours, he finally found one he liked. Even better, a couple of possibilities.
But he couldn't decide between the two of them.
"Which one? Which one, you think? Is this too casual for work? Can I use this for both work and casual going out?"
I said, "Think about it while we go grocery shopping" and stalked out of Roger David. I was exhausted by then and really wanted to get the groceries, go home and take a nap.
He had a thought about it. Probably many thoughts. I was intent upon getting food and getting out.
We walked out of Safeway, and he mused at me, "Which one?"
I groaned silently. "Your decision. But first, put things in the car."
Long story, short. He got a winter coat. Finally. A nice shiny leather one. Durable, stylish, warm.
Jeez, and I thought I was indecisive.
My brain's still not functioning very well.
Friday, April 19, 2002
at 5:20 PM Horrible, horrible week Teaching is hard. Teaching is DAMN HARD. It. Is. Mindbloggingly. Hard.
I will shoot the next person who tells me I have it easy.
I am absolutely buggered. Going out tonight to see A Beautiful Mind, and if I can get hold of Insomniac early enough, dinner with someone easy to get along with. Someone who wouldn't mind me mumbling all through dinner, my brain having shut down on me.
Thursday, April 18, 2002
at 12:25 PM Oscar-itis Beware all. I'm in a grouch today. Really huge bitch mode.
The boys are sooooo going to get it when they eventually make their way home from work and school. Every male I encounter today, will be so abused too.
I'm being sexist. Discriminatory. Unreasonable. Idiotish.
Don't ask why!
I'm going for lunch! With female companion! Whom I haven't seen in yonks! And since it's Teacher-Parent Interview Day at school, I have the day off. Instead of stewing over more lesson plans (I hate the kids in my Business Management class now), I'm going out to binge!
Maybe food will soothe the savage beast.
Ack. I'm late.
Wednesday, April 17, 2002
at 5:51 PM Woaaahhhhh This is mind boggling. And nuts. With no logic. Random. Abstract. Out of this world. Weird. Dodgy.
Kewl!
at 5:17 PM Don't talk to me An imaginary conversation.
Livy: Ask me how today went. Go on, ask me!
Imaginary person: Okay. How did today go, Livy?
Livy: Don't ask.
I had to teach a double period, ie 96 mins, this afternoon. After lunch.
I yelled at them with ten minutes to go before the end of school bell went.
After class, when I was discussing how it went with my supervisor, I wanted to burst into tears. I didn't want to be one of those teachers who yelled at the kids.
I was upset. Very. I drove home in distraction. Nearly caused an accident, and the woman mouthed angry words at me from her car.
I don't want to think anymore.
at 6:46 AM *flop* I am depleted. Drained. Head-in-a-whirl, empty spots in my mind.
I haven't seen anyone, except for the boys and people at school, since the weekend. I haven't had a decent silly conversation since the weekend. I haven't truly laughed since the weekend. I haven't really talked to him, uh people, since the weekend. I haven't had a cup of hot chocolate or cappuccino since last week. I haven't had a decent home meal since Mum and Dad left. I haven't spoken to Mum and Dad, except to growl at them when they rang while I was in the middle of tearing my hair out over lesson plans. I've been going to bed early, and getting up early - but then I've also been getting home when it was still light.
*beep*
Battery is low.
My, my. Someone will be testy in class today.
First year teaching is just going to be like this.
Whooppee.
Just think, that's a year and a half away.
Whooppee.
I'm definitely going out this weekend.
Tuesday, April 16, 2002
at 9:07 PM Did I just ... ? Stopped by my secondary alma mater this afternoon on an instinct. Wandered around in a systematic manner. Checked the Music Centre, checked the Hall, then checked the Theatrette and found the cast meeting in there.
Twenty minutes later, I found myself volunteering my services for the annual school production.
*bangs head against table*
As if I don't have a full enough schedule already.
Last year, they did Fiddler on the Roof and I rejoiced in the role of Assistant Director. This year, they're doing Fame, and I'm probably going to reprise my role. Last year, they had a cast and crew of about 80ish. This year, apparently the cast and crew total 150ish - with only two full-time staff members conducting rehearsals, and orchestrating the entire thing. Logistical and organisational nightmare.
Fun-oh.
I'm very pleased with myself. Aren't you? The Director was.
*wry face*
at 6:41 AM Oh, dear It bothers me that I should depend on another person's presence so much, that I should care that what he thinks, what he does affects my behaviour and that dodgy thing - emotion. It's plain old dumb. Me, the quintessential loner, the 'men are all idiots' and 'me, myself and I' philosopher - thinking about his influence on my life, and how it has slowly infiltrated my world.
That's not good for my sense of self security.
But when I'm with him ... the impossible seems possible.
I curse him and think grateful things all in the same breath. Stupid.
I'm fighting it for all its worth. But sometimes it seems, I've already fallen.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Monday, April 15, 2002
at 10:10 PM Uneasiness Something's wrong. I can feel it. Something's just not right here. Someone, somewhere is dodgy, or being dodgy or having dodgy things done to them.
Maybe it's the headache.
That would explain the nausea and the "Oh gawd, I want to cry at-the-drop-of-a-hat" sensation.
I want so badly to complain to someone. But, thankfully for them, they're not home to suffer me.
at 7:54 AM More acks My mind is a blank. I'm spouting nonsense in my head.
I'm sure that's not at all good, considering today.
My tummy hurts.
And now I hear rain on the roof, or is that the birds tapping on the porch covering again?
My fingernails are being mutilated. My hands and feet are icy cold.
Oh, gawd.
*trudges off to school*
Sunday, April 14, 2002
at 9:59 PM Uhrm I'm nibbling at my fingernails thinking about tomorrow.
*tries to forget*
Adelaide is so full of confidence and strong that when I'm with her, I tend not to speak a great deal. I just nod and smile inanely, and try hard not to let my mind wander off. I let her dominate, and let her speak most of the time.
A bit unusual, since I'm quite dominant - either directly or indirectly. He certainly reckons I'm dominant enough.
Nevertheless, it was good to see her, her other half and her family again - I hadn't seen them since graduation.
A slice of my past.
Sigh.
She said she'll be down again next month - asked me to keep that weekend free for drinks and such. I'm considering it.
Saturday, April 13, 2002
at 9:43 PM *cry* There's a mountain of papers on my desk, another mountain of papers around the computer, half a dozen text books flung around my room. And then there's me, tearing my hair out.
I'm trying to plan my lessons for next week.
It's driving me insane.
And I'm feeling nauseous.
I'm panicking. Just a little.
Why can't I go in there without a plan, and be spontaneous?
Oh, I forgot. I'm getting assessed on those plans.
It's like being in her head, when she's in a little red boat on a big lake, on an overcast grey day. It's strong, and quiet. Sure, and compact. Simple.
at 1:31 PM Ack There's another scratch on the car. Dad'll have my head the next time he inspects it .. which hopefully be months from now.
What is it with me and stationary objects?!!
Friday, April 12, 2002
at 9:02 AM A new day Thought if I slept on it, I would wake up feeling stupid and ashamed, but promptly forget it in morning chores, as I always do.
That didn't happen when I was came out of a doze this morning.
My dreams were wild and vague as dreams always were. I have no firm recollection of any of them. But they were tinged with anxiety and "Not. Happy. Jan."-ness.
Perhaps, a spot of window shopping would bring me back to my usual benign self.
I need time away from me.
Thursday, April 11, 2002
at 10:39 PM Lightning changes And in a flash, the air is changed.
Filthy, irrational mood - because I insist upon possession and control.
I hate the look of me right now.
at 9:39 PM Put on your dancing shoes We're going dancing tomorrow night. Swing and rock'n'roll, to be exact. Yippee!
So much for being the responsible adult and staying home.
*laughs*
And I was right. It is the weekend Adelaide comes down from Adelaide. Sunday arvo gasbag session with her, methinks.
at 12:08 PM Sobering up It has finally hit me that I have a great deal of work (ie research and analysis) to do before semester's end.
I've been crusing a lot for the past seven weeks, just slowly feeling my way through, lazing around, getting my head around getting used to all of it. Setting new guidelines to the way I do things, re-establishing relationships with the boys and with the parents, shifting ideas and principles around in my head, establishing new friendships, growing closer in other friendships, opening my eyes to a whole range of ways of looking at things, looking at other people in different light, looking at the kids I'll be teaching in a different light, learning to listen and to articulate ... Oh, it's been a mad transition.
I have to be an adult now.
It's very sobering.
And one of the first decisions I have to make is ... *drumroll*
*deep breath*
I haven't finished my lessons plan for rounds yet. I was planning to spend all weekend on them. BUT - of course there's a but - I have received a few 'Come out and party' emails this week.
So, should I ..
1. stay home and finish my lessons plan, like the responsible adult I pretend to be, or
2. go out and party?
If I do go out and party on Friday night, I have three venues to choose from. Lordy, am I spoilt for choice this week.
I shall give Insomniac a ring and see what she's getting up to this weekend. Damn, isn't this weekend the weekend Adelaide comes down from Adelaide?
Uh-oh.
at 11:28 AM It bears thinking Interesting. Very intellesting. Go find yourself in this quiz.
Your view on yourself: You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.
The type of girl/boyfriend you are looking for: You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love: Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education: Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.
The right job for you: You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important; find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success?: You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Do not give up when you have not even started yet! Be courageous!
What are you most afraid of?: You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self?: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart, rather than your head, needs to solve.
Wednesday, April 10, 2002
at 2:52 PM Do I really? Apparently I swear. A lot.
"Did you just swear?!"
"Eh? Did I?" I hadn't noticed.
"You just swore!"
"Eh? It's not like you didn't know."
I remembered him saying "OMG, she swears!" the first time we met, so I was a little confused.
"You're not supposed to do that. I am."
I was stunned with that outrageous statement. "Oh, don't give me that .. double standards thing," I retorted.
Boy, does he have some old-fashion views. Where on earth is the equality here?! I just know how to fix him! I'm going to take up smoking. He smokes, but thinks it's highly inappropriate for girls to smoke. Watch out for fireworks then!
Silly Billy.
at 2:16 PM Oh, OH! Had to write this down before I totally forget.
"A boy is a smelly noise with mud on it."
I shall have to remember that when faced with 16 year old boys bigger and taller than me.
5 more sleeps before first teaching rounds.
at 9:39 AM Iced tea, anyone? Met up with the MCP yesterday for coffee, and ended up drinking lovely iced peach tea. Whooppee! Perfect for a warm autumn's day. One shocker, though. He brought a girl to iced peach tea.
Yeah. My eyes popped out, when I saw her. I grilled him for information at the first opportunity I got. He said, "She's just someone from class, " and grinned at me.
Yeah, right. We've all heard that before! I'm absolutely tickled pink! About time he did something apart from moaning about his marital status.
He was so pleased with himself he wanted to set me up with one of his classmates. I was very amused with that idea.
Tuesday, April 09, 2002
at 10:48 AM 12 housemates, and how many cameras? Sat glued to the tv last night, watching the commencement of BigBrother, the Australian edition. I'm more excited with this series than with the last series. All because there are heaps of cute looking guys - 6 of them! Marty, the 20 year old farmer boy, is adorable!
So, for the next 85 days, I shall be eating, sleeping, thinking BigBrother.
*laughs ass off*
Watch out for Mirabai. She's gorgeous! I'm in awe of her glossy black hair, her violin, her pretty figure, her mystery.
*hero worship* I want to be just like her.
at 10:34 AM Not happy, Jan! Woke up grumpy as. I now hear Dave's voice from when I knew him two years ago in my head. "What? More so than usual?!"
Go away Dave's voice. I don't know you anymore. I haven't heard from you since graduation, when you sat drinking beer at the The Velvet Bar at 2am, refusing to go home. You said instead, "I'm going to stay here, drink, smoke, then go to work straight after, at about 6. I've been doing that for weeks now."
You work too much, and I saw then the fatigue and strangely, some pain, in your eyes. You, mate, are a corporate burnout case just waiting to happen.
Why am I thinking of him this morning?
Monday, April 08, 2002
at 12:54 PM Awwwwwwwwww This is sooo twee! Difficult, to be sure, but soooo twee!!
*sniff*
*wipes maudling tear off cheek*
Damn, I'm still at home.
at 11:49 AM .. to be rudely brought into ... FUNK!!!
I should NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, ever speak to anyone who sucks at my pretty, happy aura when I wake up happy. (ie, people who stay out till 4 in the morning for the past three nights and comes around to tell me of the fact, when I have to go to school!)
*flings vase at offending person*
Also never to wrestle with the computer clearly bent on thwarting my perfectly reasonable wishes.
HAH!
I should go around with a beatific smile upon my face and not one word to anyone. Nothing but a smile or a laugh or a grin, as a response.
HAH!
I'm dragging myself off to uni.
Such stupidity.
at 11:28 AM Words that makes me laugh Wonky. Dodgy. Flapperdash. Supercalifragilisticexpeli-something. Nincoompoop. Something. Weirdass. Tumbling. Freedom. Blabberdah. Blather. Pink cherry blossoms. Bloggy. Laugh. Giggle. Goggle. Tinkly. Bubbly. Bubble. Piffle. Pish. Tush. Pish Tush! Pooh Bah!
Haha!!
I woke up happy!
A rare thing.
*laughs*
Sunday, April 07, 2002
at 10:24 PM An hour later .. What am I doing?! I'm meant to be finishing my analysis for Language in Education! Not to mention that analysis for Learning and Teaching, lesson plans for Year 11 Business Management, something for Year 10 Science and something else for Year 12 Chemistry. OMG, and that assignment for Business Studies. And wasn't there something for Chemistry too?!
Ack.
What am I doing?!!
8 more sleeps to first teaching rounds.
Someone is in big dudu right now.
No, it isn't me.
at 2:21 PM Playing hypotheticals Say you went to a foreign land for a year. Say you met someone and a relationship developed. Say when you left, you left on amicable and friendly terms. Say six months later, his family rings you in agitation to tell you he's been in an accident, and in a coma, not expected to live. Say he's a precious memory, and you had excellent times. But, say you have barely enough to live on, now.
What would you do?
What would you do?
Just a hypothetical.
Saturday, April 06, 2002
at 2:50 AM I know not what I know not what you see in mine eyes,
Or why my feet are drawn to thee's ...
But I see you in thine eyes,
and glory, and beauty, and sadness that flies.
Perhaps I should not look upon thine eyes
nor should you look upon mine.
Then our feet shall turn to the east, and to the west -
Our hearts shall not take to fanciful phrase.
Different as different can be
we dreamers two in part,
Finding ways to be free -
of self and obligation, of duty and family.
Dreamers of dreams though we may be ...
I dream my dreams, you dream your dreams.
"Never the twain shall meet"
but still our feet ... they do meet.
at 2:10 AM Belatedness Finally discovering Josh Groban. I'm a late adopter.
Musical theatre sound, baritone-tenorish, fine diction, wonderful expressiveness, lovely soaring top notes, delicious warmth. Another Anthony Warlow type?
Definitely swoon material!
at 2:01 AM Friday Five 1. What are the first things that you do in the morning to start your day? Try to wake up fully before attempting anything.
2. What are the last things that you do at night before going to bed? Read. Arrange my pillows. Bounce on bed. Circle it like a dog. Plonk my head down on pillows. Close my eyes and watch the colours emerging from the dark.
3. What daily routine have you recently added to your day? Blogging.
4. What routine do you wish you get rid of? Blogging.
5. What's the one thing that makes you feel like something is missing if you don't do it some point within your day? Blogging.
Does that indicate some kind of addiction?
at 1:51 AM *buzzing* Late night coffee session. Hyperness supreme.
Ex-schoolmates group community. YAY!
Incoherence reigns supreme. Double YAY!
Stupid coffee buzz.
Thursday, April 04, 2002
at 4:36 PM Very funny According to Guyfriend, this apparently makes me look like a Korean pornstar.
Heh.
He's so lucky he lives not in the same city.
at 3:15 PM Singaporean humour The boys watching Phua Chu Kang in One Leg Kicking behind me, laughing in bits over the stupid-ness of it.
The Singlish just absolutely cracks me up!!
*chuckle* Were you there when we were discussing the beauty and fluency of Sarawakian English, Joy? And how we apparently still lived upon trees?
"What's the matter with you?"
"Men .. no dancing with men. I .. want wooman."
*chuckle*
Thank goodness for catholic school training. I can now say "Why, my dear, whatever do you mean?" in a clipped, upper class British accent.
I have too compassionate of a heart. Any sad or humane little thing, and I am touched. Hallmark/phone ad comes on, and I get teary eyed. Every cute little thing that comes my way, and I love the whole world.
Yelch. Mushy, sappy, yucky, sentimentally stuff.
But at least my heart is opened. Come and let yours be heard.
"I no friend you liaw."
"So. I don't want to friend you anyway."
"Huh! You bad."
Wednesday, April 03, 2002
at 2:40 PM No, no, a third is so passe. Do a fifth. I want to mess around with harmonies.
"Jason, stop WOBBLING! We don't need a vibrato after every note!"
"I sing how I like, idiot!"
"Don't do that! It sounds off!"
"Shut up! Do you or do you not want me to sing this?!"
"Don't do the vibrato then! Concentrate on your beathing, damn it!"
"I want to! I like it! Who gives a damn about breathing!"
"I want a smooth line! Legato! If you must do any vibrato'ing, do it after a phrase! At the end of a line!"
Peace for 5 secs.
"JASON! STOP THAT WOBBLING!"
"SHUT UP, CHE!"
They usually have to pry our hands off each other's throats at that stage.
Tuesday, April 02, 2002
at 10:24 PM My brother, the Energizer Bunny Jason plonks himself down in the living room after work, and zones out in front of the tv. Darren bounces into the room and proceeds to jump/dance around the place before bouncing out again. He did this a couple of times. Jason obviously found it annoying.
"Is he on Valium or what?" Jason muttered to Mum.
"What? Silly! He'll be asleep if he had Valium!" Mum snorted.
Darren bounces in, and bounces right out again.
He's been doing that all night. Bouncing from Denning who was playing games in Jason's room, and to me, wherever I was. Just jumping around, doing kicks, spinning around, and just plain couldn't stop moving. The boy is on something. Either that, or for some obscure reason, he's delirously happy.
at 1:22 PM Empty sunshine days The Young Boy makes growly noises as he sits in front of the computer, playing some violent martial arts kicking game. I watch ABC, smiling absently at the noises.
"That's a funny noise, Darren," I said, watching hydrocarbon chains dancing across the tv screen.
He turned around and grinned his messy grin at me. "Diabolielical!"
It's cute. He's cute.
Most seven year olds are.
I dread the coming of adolescence, though it may be still years away. I can't squeeze him, hug him, plant messy kisses on him, put him in a headlock, tickle him, wrestle with him, knock his head to demonstrate how hard it is (it doesn't hurt him a bit, I swear!), embarass him in front of strangers then.
*pout*
I have to go feed him now.
Monday, April 01, 2002
at 11:19 PM It's horrible! The idea of Mother retiring and moving to Melbourne. Spending all her time at home, doing things she loves.
*close eyes*
When that happens, I'm moving out.
at 1:06 AM All better now Laughs and a quiet conversation has done wonders. He's a gem. He's a priceless wonder. A joy, a comfort, a pick-me-upper. A joy.
I warned him I was feeling horrible. I was in horrible bitch mode, liable to maim. He took it in his stride, and tried his best to steer my mind away from whatever that was bothering me. He made silly jokes, he talked silly. He chattered on, I responded reluctantly. It was subtle. It wasn't until he said, "Oi. Feeling better now?" after I laughed reluctantly at something he said that I realised what he had done.
I am such a trial to him. How does he put up with my frequent rotten moods?
Yeah, so I feel much better now. Content as a milk cow out in the paddock, chewing cud.
And this made my eyes pop out with astonishment, and shocked me out of despondency. I especially liked the idea of burning money.
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