I like ianthe. But in the real world, they call me Livy,
which I guess is pretty enough. in.a.minute is how I approach a great many things.
I'm 23 and live in Melbourne, Australia. Email,
of course, is optional. However, the
guestbook is mandatory.
in.a.minute we have but minutes to live
Wednesday, August 28, 2002
at 6:27 PM Bbye A change of scenery is good for one's soul. Fly away, bird, fly away.
Tuesday, August 27, 2002
at 7:41 PM I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz I'm not liking this anymore.
There's too much wheeeee, whatever, I'm on sugar high, whhhheeeeee, and not enough sincerity of being. There's too much there's an audience out there, let's write more for them, in fact, I'm out here to entertain you and have you all in stitches, rather than at the end of the day, it's about self and only self because there is only self at the end of the day. There's too much of thinking what if I make someone uncomfortable, what if I hurt someone's feelings, I'm getting too depressive, too philosophical and not enough of this is how I am, this is how I feel, this is the unvarnished truth of me.
I feel like I'm being judged half the time. I feel like I'm being read by people who don't necessarily understand the whole kit and caboodle. I feel like I'm on show. It's kinda ironic (and hypocritical, perhaps?), since I chose to do this - to have my thoughts online, to publish my stories online, to let some of you into the peripheral of my life.
So, yeah, I'm not liking this anymore. It's time for another approach to self. It's time to step back. Re-evaluate. Re-consider. Re-think the entire concept.
I'm not calling it off, as yet. I just think it's time for honesty.
Monday, August 26, 2002
at 5:47 PM On Saturday morning I finally remembered what we did on Saturday morning.
We practised non-verbal communication. We explored the oval and the surrounding bush blindfolded, with a seeing partner.
"OMG! What was that, Michael?!!!"
"What was what?"
"That sounds like a giant furry animal crashing through the bush!!!"
Grrrrllllll. *more trashing in the bush*
"OMG! What is that?!! The Abominable Snowman?!!"
*Michael laughs his head off while Livy shrieks her head off*
Then, the entire group, all 17 of us, were blindfolded and told to make our way out of the bush, onto the oval, and seek Shamus, the leprechaun, who was sunbaking on the sands of the volleyball court on the far side of the oval - without any assistance from the facilitators.
That took us an hour and ten minutes to do.
Apparently, I made a whole collection of memorable remarks while the entire exercise was going on, which the facilitators found very amusing. The others were not so amused, however.
"Trust and flow with it!! I don't care if that means going through bush and scratching ourselves. We have a first aid kit!!"
"Over-analysing the situation? Isn't that a female thing?"
"I am NEVER ever going to teach in a boys school."
at 10:44 AM What I did on the weekend On Friday afternoon, I lugged two bags and a sleeping bag up to uni and met 16 amazing people. We discussed the best way of speaking to people on a moving bus, of massages and the merits of Mackers versus KFC.
On Friday night, we learnt names and dodged skipping ropes as individuals, groups and finally as a team.
On Saturday morning ... What did we do on Saturday morning?!! All I remember was that ancient Akido training piece. Ah! So! Ka! Haha! You're out. What did we do that morning!?!
On Saturday afternoon, we went through a spider web, tried to diffuse a bomb, got caught in a traffic jam, got across bubbling lava to safety, frogleaped in Indian Shuffle and tried our hand at the low ropes course.
On Saturday night, we tried to figure out how to connect shower rings within 75 points, we fell with trust as pairs, trios and finally groups, had a trust run, took a flying dive into zipped arms and dropped from a table onto catching arms.
Between Saturday night and Sunday morning, we had a lolly party in Room 8 where the evil medical twins told us all about thrush and yogurt, urinary tract infection and medical procedures, as well as Mercedes Benz penises. Then there were the ghost stories that freaked some of us so much, we banned the topic and moved on to Fate and Destiny. Most of us then went to bed, while Gyrating, Swimming and Cycling continued with medical chats with the evil and brilliant twins.
On Sunday morning, we went up the vertical challenge which comprised of a rope ladder, a cargo net, swinging poles with staples, log bars and a rock climbing board and got right to the top. All 17 of us. We managed to fit 9 people of half a piece of floormat for 4 seconds. We swung across the Pusness Pool, full of infected something on a very small island. We untangled ourselves out of a human knot, and then, we went on a giant swing.
On Sunday afternoon, we went home.
On Monday morning, I am covered with bruises and I am sore all over.
That was my weekend. How was yours?
Thursday, August 22, 2002
at 12:05 PM "So, are you seeing anyone?" Surprise of surprises, miracle of miracles (perhaps not), incredulous wonder of wonders (most likely), Thanh rang my mobile last night out of the blue.
"Hello?"
"Hello?"
"Hello?!"
"Hello! It's me, Thanh."
"Thanh?!! Omg, Thanh! How are you?!!"
"Me, oh, good. Ho told me you were back in Melbourne."
"Well yeah, I've been back a fair while now."
"I haven't seen you since, when?"
"Graduation."
"November or something?"
"Something like that. December."
I went through an angsty period with Thanh in third year. Ahh, the memories ... I wept stupid tears then, I laugh at the memories now.
So, we caught up a bit.
"You've changed so much!" He can't get over this fact.
"Hello. When was the last time we saw each other?! Besides we hardly saw each other last year remember? The guys are more used to it than you are."
"I can't believe you just said that. You've changed, woman."
I laughed. "I learnt all that from you lot. You guys taught me all I know!"
"Are you doing okay up there in the sticks? Seen Em yet?"
"It's quiet. There's no night life here. No, haven't seen Em yet."
"And both of you in the same state. Shame on you, Thanh."
"I live four hours from her! Get off my case."
"Still, shameeeeee!"
"Yeah, well ... I'll catch up with her soon, maybe."
He'll be back in Melbourne for a short break in late October. It should be interesting seeing him again. I always did enjoy matching wits with him.
Wednesday, August 21, 2002
at 6:59 PM it's all about me it's all about me, me, me
you're not me
i'm me
it's all about me, me, me
isn't that so?
isn't that right?
isn't that just?
isn't that fair?
so why ..
today ..
so why when i glanced into mirror
i saw a stranger?
at 9:33 AM You think? Do we celebrate individuality anymore? Is there such a thing as individuality? Why this constant need to slot everything into a hole? Everything and everyone is so categorical these days.
The round peg in a square hole is so cliched.
I blame the psychologists!
It's a blue-ish day.
Tuesday, August 20, 2002
at 7:49 PM Um Have I been talking with you, or talking at you?
Seriously? Which?
"Are you a good witch or a bad witch? Which?"
I have this strange fascination with filling my diary with classes, meetings and dates. The more activities I can squeeze into my schedule and thus the busier I get, the more organised I become.
at 6:16 PM Red, purple, yellow and green It completely amazes me how fanatic people get about balloons.
It's Discovery Day today. Being the go-getter (haha!) that I am, I spent the day co-manning a stall - answering questions, giving mini-presentations, ate lots of lollies, jumped up and down and yelled, "This is where you want to be", that sort of thing.
Attached to the sides of the stall were balloons. Bright gold and purple balloons. Beautiful balloons. Sexy balloons. To die for balloons. We'll-do-anything-to-get-those-balloons kind of balloons. Apparently.
They would come up to our stall, stand there for a little while and look sheepishly at us before saying, "Um. May we have a balloon?" We said, "Yeah, sure. What colour would you like?" for the first few requests. After a while, it just got ridiculous because they were just grabbing the balloons and fleeing the stall. We didn't even get a chance to say, "Would you like to hear our spiel before you run off?"
So, we got tough.
"May I have a balloon?"
"No."
"Ohhhhhh, why not?"
"Because it's part of the display."
"May we have a balloon?"
"Come back after 4. We'll be giving it out then."
"May we have a balloon?"
"Are you ten and under?"
"May we have a balloon?"
"How badly do you want one?"
One guy actually got down to his hands and knees. He would have gotten a balloon, if he stayed on his knees for a little while longer. Silly thing.
Everyone wanted a balloon. It was incredible. Our purposeful stall was reduced to a frivolous fete stall, with the balloons as the main attraction. What is it about balloons that makes everyone want one? A balloon is just a rubbery bag filled with helium, anyway. Nothing special about it at all. It's not a complete and utter tragedy if you didn't get one.
Really, it isn't. It's just a balloon.
I had to fight off a couple of people to secure two balloons. They're bobbing happily in my room, this very moment.
at 12:50 AM A woman of certain age I went to see a production of Fame tonight, at Deakin Uni, where the following conversation took place.
"I can't drink tonight."
"Oh why? Oh, you're driving. Awwwww."
"That happened to me last week, and it was my birthday too. It sucked that I couldn't drink."
"Oh, really? Omg, happy birthday! How old are you now?"
"Happy birthday! Yeah, so how old are you now, Liv?"
"Err .. umm ... heh .. err .. twenty-something."
I have finally reached that point in a woman's life where it is simply not done to gleefully tell others one's age.
Whoopee.
"18, 19, 20, 21 .... You're 24, right, Liv?"
"No."
"25 then."
"Nope."
"Hang on .. oh, you could be 23, since your birthday is in the later part of the year. Are you 23 then?"
Silence, accompanied by a mysterious smile.
"Let's go see Sandringham College's production of Fame. When is it again?"
I'm going to camp next weekend. Yay!!! Should be interesting, for they tell me there will be vertical challenges and other outdoor physical activities. The thing is, Livy and outdoor activities ...
Yeah, well, it should be interesting.
Friday, August 16, 2002
at 4:20 PM Double that Remember what I said yesterday? About a herd of elephants and being spat on?
I feel worse today. I look worse than what the cat dragged in.
Omg, I look hungover.
"You look tired. Long day?"
"Long week."
Frenetic pace. I set that pace though, so there's no one to blame but me. It's like taking flu tablets. You know you'll be drowsy, but you take them anyway. You have to.
I'm sowing the seeds for my future. The pace, and the accompanying exhaustion, is necessary. I have to do this. There is a need to do this. I'm being compelled to do this. Fighting it only makes it worse, so I flow with it. Who am I to question the Universe's plan for me, huh?
Relationships will fall by the byway, I realised, with this pace I'm keeping. Unless I make an effort. So I do.
So you see me looking worse than what the cat dragged in, and feeling twice as worse. Big deal. There'll be time enough for me, soon. I promise.
Honest to goodness, there will.
Thursday, August 15, 2002
at 3:58 PM A world of imagination I know people read this. Don't ask me how I know. I just know.
It's kinda like knowing my feet would hurt within 30 minutes of wearing any of my highly impractical, vampy shoes. You know it'll hurt, but you wear them anyway.
So knowing that I know that you, whoever you may be (haha!) read this, won't you say something? Even to say, "Livy, you're a certified nutcase." I don't mind that in the least! Heaven only knows how many times I've heard that this year. Or even, "You suck. Big time." However, that last comment must be accompanied by constructive criticism, you hear?
Haha!
Is everyone annoyed with the bubbliness, the dizziness, the pink icing sugar sweetness and the fairy floss fluff of the Livy that has been bouncing here and there the past few weeks, yet?
Are you amused, chikadees? Are you thinking, "What a ditz! What a blonde! I'm getting a toothache. Lemme at her for just one minute ... How maddening!! Idiot!!!" yet? Have I driven you to frustration yet, sweat peas?
Haha! Haha!
It's the sun. No, it's the blustery wind. No, it's the cold! No, it must be all the lollies .. hang on, I haven't had any today. No caffeine. No alcohol, of course. Not even nicotine!
Haha!
I'm drunk on life. Eww. Cliche! But somewhat accurate.
Haha!
I'm skipping off to my Chemistry workshop now.
Oooh, can't. Beginnings of headache from insufficient sleep. I crave a fizzy caffeine drink. I'm going to skip downstairs for a bottle of Coke, instead.
at 6:46 AM Bite me "Isn't this great? I'm in such a great mood these days. I haven't been grumpy in days!" I said to Sun yesterday.
Heh. I woke up this morning feeling like I've been trampled by a herd of elephants, and was spat on, to boot. Livy is not a happy camper this morning.
Why?
Probably insufficient sleep. Got to bed late, got up early. That equals all day crankiness for me. Another reason is I have to get to Preshil this morning, for some .... thing (I have no idea why, I was told to just turn up). That will involve 2 trains and some walking. In heels.
Yuck.
Finally turned up to Carmina Burana rehearsals last night. They've only just started rehearsing the piece, but what does the conductor (brilliant, brilliant man but oh so sadistic at times) do but plunge us straight into Blanzifor et Helena! Horridest piece in the whole thing! The first sopranos (of which I have the honour to be, all bow down before me because I can shatter crystal) have to shriek away on a G or A or something ridicuously high, for an age and a day. Then, that dreadful B at fortissommo, really really really loud. It's disgusting. He made us go through it, like 5 times! After a while, I just sat there, refusing to open my mouth. I read the paper while everyone around me tried valiantly to produce tone and pitch and volume.
Haha!
'Twas fun.
Wednesday, August 14, 2002
at 10:06 AM Brat It was Jason's 22nd birthday yesterday.
"So, what do you want to do?"
"Sleep."
"No, seriously. It's your birthday, what do you want to do?"
"Sleep."
"Do you want to do anything special? Have dinner somewhere?"
"No."
"Okay. What's for dinner?"
"Dunno. I forgot to take something out from the freezer."
"So, takeout then?"
"Safeway chicken."
"What?!! That's ew. It's your birthday!! How about pizza?"
"Okay. I'll go get them."
"You want wine? Champagne? Sparkling wine things? Beer? VB? Cascade?"
"Whatever."
"It's your birthday. You get to choose."
"Sheesh."
"Come on. What do you want. I have to catch a train!"
"Wine."
"Red or white?"
"Sweet white."
"Okay. Be home in about an hour or so."
"Bye."
Monosyllabic, antisocial brat.
"It's all because of her that I came into the world when I came into the world."
"Huh?"
"You could say that she was the reason I was slightly premature."
"Huh?"
"Here we go again. The 'it's all her fault' story."
"It's true! Mum was cleaning after your first birthday party. She waited five days before she couldn't stand the mess anymore and started cleaning. She fell down the steps, and went into labour. So I was born."
"Don't see the connection."
"You had to have the party."
"Excuse me, I was only one?! I had nothing to do with it?!"
"It's all your fault that Mum fell and went into labour."
"Huh?!"
"Exactly. What are you on about, idiot?!! He always tells this story. He gets such a demented kick out of it."
He is such a brat.
Tuesday, August 13, 2002
at 6:36 PM Ooooohh I blatantly eavesdropped on a conversation on the way into uni this morning.
I couldn't help it! They were sitting right next to me!
"Are we okay? Are you okay with the rumours?"
"Huh? What rumours?" Pause. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, those issues that we were talking about in the holidays."
"Oh." Long pause. "Yeah."
"I mean, things feel different. You're different. Are you okay with it? I mean, after our talk, I was pretty okay with it. It was fine. I figured everything would go back to normal. But you seem different."
Long silence.
"Are you sure you okay? It's not bothering you?" Boy, was she perky.
Silence.
"Do you have anything to say? Anything you want to tell me?" She's definitely persistent.
"It's just awkward."
"I thought it'll be cool. I mean, I'm okay with it. After our talk, I was fine. It was cool."
"It's just awkward," he repeated. "For a while, it'll be a little awkward. It can't be helped. It'll be awkward."
"Oh." Pause. "So you're not okay with it? I mean, it's okay with me."
"It's just awkward."
Are you intrigued? Do you want to know what had happened? Why was the guy so distant? Why was the girl so persistent? What happened?!! What's their relationship? Why was the guy so disconnected from her? Why was she asking all those questions? Does she really really like the guy? The guy was cute, by the way. Very cute. Architecture, from what I gathered from their early conversation. Was the guy rejected? Was the girl rejected? For goodness sakes, what happened?!!!!
I have no idea, but it makes for a great little story.
Monday, August 12, 2002
at 5:43 AM I love you too Superduperglorious Friend and I are notoriously bad correspondents. Months would go by without a single email, without a single message, without a single "Oi". Then all the sudden, we make contact and have a huge gabfest, with her munching away on something and me laughing at her for constantly snacking. Her excuse was, "There's always food in my house. You never have any!!" To which I always say, "Yeahhhhh, that's right. We never have any junk food in the house."
I rang her yesterday, after a couple of weeks of thinking I should, and we picked up where we left off. Isn't it nice to have mates like that? Six months of sporadic emails, the occasional eh oh on icq, long silences in between, and we plunged straight into, "OMG, woman. You'll never guess!!"
"You do sound happy, Liv."
"I am. Everything's crazy at the moment. Chockers. Buzzy. Crazy!! I don't know when I'll get sleep. But I'm happy."
"That's great. I really do admire you for that. I told some of the others, too."
"Admire me?" I laughed. It was a foreign notion, the girls admiring me?!
"Yeah. The whole career change thing. You know how teaching is considered to be 'low-status'. Not on par with engineers or lawyers. They were going, 'Liv's got an engineering degree, and a commerce degree. And she's teaching?!'. They don't understand it at all. I said to them, 'I admire Liv for that. She's found something that she really loves, something she'll be happy doing. She had the courage to go for it. And I admire her parents for allowing her to do that.' I was trying to explain to them all that."
"Aw .. thank you, sweetie."
I vaguely remembered to feel some disappointment and disapproval at the views some of my ex-schoolmates were voicing. Only vaguely and only for a moment though. Superduperglorious Friend understands why I am doing this. Mum and Dad understand why I'm doing this. The people that matter understand why I'm doing this. They see that I'm happy and content, and they accept. That's all that matters. The voices of discontent may grumble and scoff at my career choice all they want. I only have laughter for them. I have found my niche. Have they?
at 4:48 AM OMG!!!!!! There's a National Mole Day!!! OMG!!!! There's even a song about the mole (I'm talking chemistry, not animal) called Molar Reflections!!
Yesterday I took a drink of water
And something strange happened in my head
I made an actual connection
With something that my chemistry teacher said
I could visualize lots and lots of molecules
Movin in the water to and fro . . . . and then I thought
If I just drank 18 grams of water
I just drank a mole of H2O
I could have really used that song last rounds. I really could. Damn the Fates for making the 'puter go crazy!!
Apalah!
Friday, August 09, 2002
at 10:53 AM the world is mine for the taking the world is mine for the taking
so they say, i say laughingly
watch out, world, i am coming at you
so they say, i say laughingly
there's a bit of blue, let us chase it
so kate said, running after it
let's you and i do the same
let's chase after that bit of blue
and take the world by its throat
i promise you we shall not fail
let's go right up to dizzying heights
so what if high places scare me?
let's do it anyway
let's milk each moment for all its worth
every bit of pain, every bit of joy, every bit of living, every bit of loving
then can we say that we have lived, and lived well
throw Fortune to the winds
so they say, i say laughingly
take what Fate gives us and flow with it
so they say, i say laughingly
step off the edge and fly
so they say, you say laughingly
let's reach for the moon
it's not an impossible feat
yes, for we have been to the moon.
the world is ours for the taking
and youth shall not fail
youth shall never ever fail
Thursday, August 08, 2002
at 2:53 PM Blessed day Hip, hip, hip, hip hooray.
I am twenty three today.
Thanks very much for all the lovely b'day greetings. I really appreciate the thought, the time and the effort folks put in to send me lovely birthday messages. Y'll are a lovely bunch of coconuts.
Group hug!!
I'm having a lovely day. Thank you.
Tuesday, August 06, 2002
at 7:37 PM My blessings Thank you, Father, for Mum and Dad. Thank you for these wonderful people, who have supported me through uni and have never said a discouraging word to me about my change in careers. Thank you for their patience with their wildly spontaneous, flighty, thoughtless, sometimes difficult and rebellious girl. Thank you for Mum's rational arguments whenever I am spatting with Jason, thank you for her insight, her strength and her intuitive abilities. Thank you for Dad's silliness, and his solidness. Thank you for his continued nagging about the car, thank you for his ability to make his only girl feel very special indeed. Thank you for their continued presence in my life. I am truly blessed to have their guidance and their love.
at 12:57 PM You don't say?! You know, when I embarked on this course, I thought the work load would be light. The contact hours at uni would be minimum, at least compared to the hours I had when I was doing engineering. I figured I would have loads of time to sleep and vege and do nothing, basically.
But hey, look. I was wrong.
I did a quick count of hours last night, on the way home. I'm doing 20 hours of uni - that's approximately what I was doing in my last year of engineering. I'm at uni four days a week, which was what I was doing in my last year of engineering. I'm doing loads of prep work and reading - that I didn't do in my last year of engineering. I'm seeing lots more people, acquaintances, friends around campus and around the city - something that hardly happened in my last year of engineering. I'm walking all over campus and breathing in fumes from the traffic on Swanston Street - something I didn't do in my last year of engineering since I was in the labs most of the time.
I'm doing lots of comparing and wasting lots of words and not getting to the point.
My point is. For the first time in ages, or for the first time in my life, I am so frantically busy with enriching activities that I do not know how to articulate it. I have no idea how to share the hundred and one experiences, the hundred and one emotions, the hundred and one trivial moments with my brothers, my parents, my friends, you, everyone. I barely know how to articulate it to myself.
I have just begun to live. Finally, I have just begun to live.
Monday, August 05, 2002
at 10:25 AM Wahlau! What? No one missed me?! I'm talking to dead air, am I? I'm that forgettable, am I? Damn.
We're back at uni. Enough said.
I've already wagged (ie. cut/not go to) one lecture. There's nothing worse than sitting there and listening to someone go on and on about something. Instant nap time, I tell you. I'd rather be sitting out in the blustery cold than in a cavernous lecture theatre.
Saturday, August 03, 2002
at 12:13 PM I don't remember your face There is a sense of isolation. I miss half a dozen people. I mean to ring half a dozen people. I mean to catch up on laundry and housekeeping chores. I mean to sort out all those bits of papers on my desk. I mean to write a lot more. I mean to work on small talk. I mean to do half a dozen things.
I caught up on my sleep instead.
I miss y'll. I really do. I just need my sleep more, I guess.
4 weeks of frantic energy caught up with me last night. I got tipsy on a (one!) glass of Chardonnay. Consequently, I struggled to stay upright. Phong's girlfriend, Quinn kept asking me if I was alright. Alvin, with his new girlfriend in tow, kept asking if I was alright. I blinked owlishly at them and said, "Yep. Just tired. Sleepy. Need bed." Gary, the sweetheart, got me a coffee later, which revived me somewhat.
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