I like ianthe. But in the real world, they call me Livy,
which I guess is pretty enough. in.a.minute is how I approach a great many things.
I'm 23 and live in Melbourne, Australia. Email,
of course, is optional. However, the
guestbook is mandatory.
in.a.minute we have but minutes to live
Friday, May 31, 2002
at 11:37 PM bah! Moveable type is evil. I canna get it working, mon. Kepala kamik pening, oi. Cgi confuses me. I need some strong, logical brains to figure this out - I have none.
"Our little midget has no common sense at all."
Thank you, Daddy.
Bleh.
I'm finding comfort in the new Titanium MX-5. Mazda. Zoom Zoom Zoom.
It's like seeing the name Sebastian. It's like feeling chocolate ice cream melting in your mouth. It's like the taste of Fettucine Marinara on your tongue. It's like hearing a sublime, floating A. It's like feeling him smile. It's like feeling the sun on your face on a balmy spring day. It's like the watching the dawn of a beautiful day on a windy beach.
It's shivers down the spine.
at 3:54 PM That's no good Guilt ridden, and in half despair. Deeply regretful, somewhat ashamed and very disappointed with myself, but resigned to it. I don't want a last minute effort on an assignment I believe in. I want quality all the way, damn it.
Sigh.
I'd walk a thousand miles,
if I could just see you,
if I could just hold you,
tonight
Company and laughter would cure this girl's current ailment, but I'm home alone tonight.
Don't be confused my apparent lack of ceremony,
My mind is clear.
It is.
It's a cold, cold night. Perfect for a little inner reflection, bundled up in my mother's red crochet shawl, writing in a blank red spotted book, hot chocolate on my nightstand.
Mmmm .. bliss.
Hey, hey, set me free
Stupid Cupid, stop picking on me.
Hey, hey, set me free
Stupid Cupid, stop picking on me
at 2:04 PM *pound* You should see the unit I've just planned for a cosmology (the study of the origin and evolution of cosmic objects, apparently) unit for Year 10s. It's so packed with non-stop group work and active thinking stuff, and impossible deadlines (complete a brochure in class time), that it'll either make them love or hate me.
The Year 10s I just finished working with, would absolutely hate me if I'd sprung that unit on them. They were having difficulty enough trying to decipher the mystery that is chemical equations, and nearly revolted when I refused to think for them yesterday.
"Edita, you work it out. I'm not going to say anything."
"Aww, miss. But I don't know anything about this. You're supposed to teach me."
"And I'm trying to develop your thinking skills. Work it out. Use the textbook. You haven't cracked it open once."
"Aww, miss!"
"No arguments. We tried that method last week, and it didn't work. So I'm going to try this."
It took full on forty minutes, but I got two of them understanding the concept of balancing equations. Finally.
at 12:53 AM Ho hum Would 15 year olds revolt, you think, if I made them do group work for 4 weeks? Or would they revolt because I am making them do active thinking, on their own?
Thursday, May 30, 2002
at 7:02 PM On another tangent Joy left a comment that provoked a "uh oh, Livy's on a passionate rampage" moment. She said,
"have you read WoT's latest installment, Winter's Heart? it's currently sitting on my bedside table but is not being touched. i'm a bit wary of robert jordan now."
Dearie, wary of Robert Jordan? Why, oh why, oh why? (Oh, by the way, WoT is The Wheel of Time, a wondeful fantasy series) He's an excellent writer - wonderfully imaginative and devious. Long winded at times, but he never writes anything without a reason.
The thing about Robert Jordan and The Wheel of Time series is that every time the latest book comes out, you have to go back and read the entire series again in order for everything to make sense - and that's before you even begin on the latest book. Otherwise, you're just going to find yourself going, "Huh? What? Who? Wtf?!!" and throw the book on the floor in a fit of pique, and vow never to read the damn series again because it's getting too convoluted.
But you should, because every reading of it brings out even more insights to the story, to the characters. Then you began to come up with your own ideas, and your theories on what's going to happen, and why someone did this and why someone did that, and do you think Verin a possible Black Ajah? And do you really think Moiraine really died? I don't. How about Lanfear? I hope she stays dead, I really don't want her to be resurrected .. though there are some hints in the later books about a mysterious female Forsaken .. I think.
Fans of WoT can sit for hours discussing, arguing back and forth about their pet theories. I haven't, but I've come close. It's as close as I have gotten to studying a book, any book with such passion, again, since high school.
My copy of Winter's Heart is in pristine condition. I grabbed a copy from the library when it first came out, then bought a hardback (or large paperback, whichever) copy while I was still reading it - because it was on sale. I unpacked it from the plastic carrier lovingly, carefully placed it on my bookshelf alongside Book 6, 7, 8 of the series, and promptly forgot about it.
I took it out from the bookshelf last night, and dusted it off. I reread bits of it and found it beautifully memerising. The characters are wonderfully alive on paper, and seriously, it's hard to put the book down. It helps that I've matured somewhat from The Wheel of Time (first book of the series) - I picked it up when I was 13 - and can now respond to some of the underlying tensions and 'words unspoken' moments.
This reading round, I think I'm going to work out the politics, and figure out how the game is played.
Have I convinced you to crack open the book yet, Joy?
at 3:28 PM aghhahh I would tell you all about the beauty that was my lunch, but I don't think you'd want to hear about it. I'm feeling sick now after stuffing myself, but it did cheer me up somewhat.
I drove down to the station to catch the train into uni, parked the car, wriggled my way out, and thought, "There comes a time in everyone's life when they feel absolutely useless, and dumb - no matter how well they've done something before, no matter how well they are going to do it again."
Steph, the 16 year old playing Serena in Fame, finally loosened up and acted. I now have very little purpose in life. She doesn't need me to yell, "Soft, Steph, soft! I don't want to see brightness!" anymore.
That depressed me. I spent the thirty minutes journey into the city buried in Robert Jordan's The Dragon Reborn. Wandered into a Vietnamese noodle shop on Swanston Street and slurped my way through a bowl of rice noodles.
I'm feeling a little sick, but I'm relatively content.
Wednesday, May 29, 2002
at 10:11 PM "You want that with fries, sir?" We dissected a toad in my Science workshop today. Well, my workshop leader did. We peered at its insides, and poked and prodded, instead.
Mac took over when she was done, and proceeded to methodically gut the animal with glee.
Jordana quipped, "Hang on, leave the legs. I want to do the electrode prodding thing, and make it jump."
Mac chortled and cut right down to the bone. You could hear the bones crunch as he separated the legs from the torso.
Good thing the toad was already dead to begin with.
Meawhile Paul was holding forth on constructivism in the Science classroom with a colleague. "I'm with Vygotsky. I think that kids learn best with social interaction, discussion."
Svetlana, from Mexico, was talking to Fiona about the Masters program. "So, what do you think? Should I be doing coursework or research?"
Later, Fiona and Mac were talking.
"How long is your thesis?" Mac asked.
"Well, it's about 16,000 to 20,000 words. Right now, it's leaning towards 20,000 words," said Fiona.
"16,000 to 20,000 words?! I'm having trouble enough with 2,000 words," said Mac.
Fiona laughed, "And mine's only a minor thesis. Imagine the people working for their doctorate. They're looking at 60,000 to 70,000 words!"
I'm planning on doing Masters, and possibly a doctorate.
Good thing I enjoy writing.
Tuesday, May 28, 2002
at 4:40 PM Anecdote "That's so five minutes ago." "It's so last century". "That's so over."
Those were responses and quips to someone's comment on encyclopaedias in my morning workshop today.
"I still use them encyclopaedias."
"That's so five minutes ago! The kids use the internet now."
Monday, May 27, 2002
at 5:50 PM I need ... for someone ..
to feed me
(for I am forever hungry)
to organise me
(for I am disastrously disorganised)
to lecture me on procastination
(for I am always saying 'in a minute')
to drive me to known/unknown destinations
(for I often run into stationary objects)
Any takers?
at 3:50 PM I work well under pressure Assignment done. Tonight, I begin another one due Thursday. Woo hoo.
I stepped into the glorious sunshine for like half an hour and actually bumped into people I know for a change. How come that never happens when I'm sitting in the courtyard, waiting two hours for my next class?
"Hey, Olivia!"
I turned around and thought, "Hey? Who you?" but said, "Oh, hey," because he looked familiar. We then proceeded to lament about his exams, and my lack of them. Then we went off in separate directions, with me still not rememberings his name.
I was laughing with my chemistry workshop partner after a five minute meeting, which went like this:
"You're 15 minutes late, 'manuel! Okay, here's the demo, and you've got the explanations. Can I do the demo, and you do the chemistry behind the demo? Okay, cool. Are we done? We're done. I'm going to finish this assignment, you're going to lunch. Okay, cool. Last week's demos? Ooooh, riveting. You would have loved Tony's demo. He got onto his hobby horse again, went on and on about the state of the current education system. Such a crack up! *rolls eyes, laughs* I'm going. See you Thursday."
Ran inside, into the fire escape stairs place thing, and got hailed by whats-his-name. I forget now, but I truly do know his name.
"What were you laughing about, just then?" said he.
"Huh? Oh that, just stuff," I said vaguely and ran downstairs, while he ran upstairs clutching a plate with two slices of pizza reposing on it.
In the labs, in walked a terribly cute guy. I would be sitting here just watching him, if it weren't for two rows of computers obstructing my view. Realised two mins after he sat down, and consequently vanished from my view, that he's in one of my tutes. In fact my 4.15 tute today! Ooh, eye candy.
All that energy, and no lunch, yet, or decent breakfast either. Amazing, no?
Time to run over to the main faculty building to hand in assignment.
at 12:15 PM You try stifling laughter in a packed comp lab I'm supposed to be doing an assignment due at 5pm, which I was meant to finish last night, but went to bed instead for some lame reason (the bed looked mighty inviting from my dining table/study desk). But I'm not.
at 9:42 PM Goodness Quiz results so far, are surprising. I suspect people are just stabbing at the radio buttons though.
Will put up answers to quiz questions sometime later in the week, when I have some breathing space. It's a mad mad last week of the semester.
at 12:20 AM A little fun while I'm at it I went and created a 'So you think you know me?' quiz. That should occupy you lot for 5 minutes. Haha.
I'm procastinating madly. So shoot me.
Saturday, May 25, 2002
at 5:54 PM An explosion of opinions Nael over at Naeled! is being ... how should I put it? Commented? Let's just say that one of his blog entries has caused much discussion - to put it mildly.
I'm not jumping into the fray. The heatedness of the words are already affecting me, and these are just words on a screen. Imagine if they're being enacted before my very eyes and ears. I'd be a nervous, emotion-filled wreck!
Friday, May 24, 2002
at 9:57 PM The lesser devil Long distance is hell. But I would rather be miserable with him, than be miserable without him. Even in my misery, an ending was not an option.
It's hard to be articulate when the issue is so close to your heart.
Wilt thou not offer me chocolate,
to soothe mine weary soul?
Wilt thou not provide a handy ear,
to capture all my woes?
Wilt thou not lend a worthy arm,
to threaten all my foes?
And wilt thou not beautify me,
and offer up all thy beaux?
Offer me chocolate, at the very least. Or .....
Drag me out of the house, take me drinking and dancing. Take me where there's loud loud music and a roomful of pretty pretty boys. Force tequila shots down my throat and encourage me to be wild. Dare me to do crazy, maddening things. Take me down the beach, and make me sing to the sea. Make me chase the seagulls, and throw sandballs at the maggies. Pump me full of caffeine when I start to fade, and insist I stay awake to watch the beginnings of tomorrow. Offer me fresh OJ, an apricot danish and quiet time by the seawall. Then, and only then, do you finally take me home and put me to bed.
I need to forget the happenings of today.
at 2:18 PM And still I get blank stares Horrible day, and it's not even over yet.
The five kids I have under my supervision in Science class looked at me blankly when I was trying to explain the principles behind balancing a chemical equation. Three tried to understand me, at least - the other two couldn't give a donkey's ass - and I sat there, feeling like ten kinds of fools because I couldn't be articulate enough to teach them a basic chemical principle.
Same thing happened at the lunchtime rehearsal I ran with two of the leads. Brett had no idea what I was talking about when I told him, "It's too much. Come down to Steph's level. Blend, match her energy levels, take your cue from her. Stop having hysterics on those top notes."
On reflection, even I don't understand what I was on about.
Mercury is in retrograde. Apparently that means I will be having trouble communicating with people. I will have trouble trying to get things across. People will either look at me blankly or completely misunderstand me. Since I am around people a lot, it's going to be a frustrating and angry week and a half.
Is this what they call a Jonah day?
My head is sore. A pair of automatic sliding doors ran into my forehead yesterday.
at 6:28 AM Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow May has been a sucky month. I am counting down each frustrating day till June.
"Live everyday as if it is your birthday."
Sorry, Doc. 365 birthdays a year gets a little stale, not to mention irritating.
Wednesday, May 22, 2002
at 10:21 PM An eighth of it they look blankly at me when i speak.
lean on the note, give it punch
it's still too bright, too big. softer, softer,
softer still
break the words, divide its emotions
gently stroke the notes, and let me
see its essence
speak it, say it, have faith in it.
make me believe.
still they look blank when i speak
i grope for the right phrases
but i grasp giky martables instead.
at 10:05 AM A quarter of it I'm thinking so much, my heart is aching. I want to be elsewhere, but then I don't.
Tuesday, May 21, 2002
at 9:34 PM Team=big Yet another addition to the production team. I'm running out of nicknames to assign to people. So the team now numbers, what? 9 or 10? 3 choreographers, 3 vocal coaches, 3 drama coaches, 1 director, 1 musical director. Numbers don't add up? I double up - I do both vocal and drama coaching.
No, it's not excessive. It means rehearsals are more productive because we are able to split rehearsals. For instance, tonight - two scenes were scheduled to be blocked. We split it three ways, then came back an hour later and put it together. Worked very, very well. In fact, we were ahead of schedule.
"OMG, it's only 5! What are we going to do after this?" The Director exclaimed. We had already run the scenes twice, and rehearsals are meant to go till 5.30. Needless to say, we were very pleased with ourselves when we left.
Once Term 3 starts, two teacher interns will be helping out, swelling the ranks again. And I haven't even included people involved in promotions, stage photography, ticketing, front of house, program designer, set construction, lighting, sound, backstage, refreshments for interval, etc. Big, big team.
So, this is how a show is staged.
at 12:27 PM Morning prayers and daily masses What a laugh!! I'm being posted to a Catholic girls' school for my next teaching rounds! It's delicious!
I loved my eight years in a Catholic girls' school. Adored the companionship of the girls, and the wonderfully competitive learning environment. Loved the 'compulsory' masses, didn't like the religious education classes all that much but appreciated the nearness of the cathedral (it was right next door). Oh, you get the bitchiness, the back stabbing, the gossiping and the fierce competition for the attention of the boys in our sister school, but on the whole, I loved it. It was a definite school culture shock for me when I left that school to do VCE in a co-ed public school in Melbourne.
A Catholic school. Wow. The memories are flooding back.
Monday, May 20, 2002
at 10:10 PM Watching every word Uh oh. He reads this. The boy who makes me laugh even when I'm furious with him reads this.
Ack.
This might be a good time to mention I wore a delicious black halter top on Saturday night, with clubbing pants and close fitting jacket. Sleek, and curvy. Never mind dear, at least they were black, and not white.
I missed you all through the ritual of guy watching.
at 5:34 PM It's off to work we go Said someone in my 4.15 tutorial today, "Hey, this is the second last week of the semester. Look, swot vac's in two weeks." He gestured wildly above his opened uni diary.
My reaction?
"Eh, what?!!! Really??!!! *flicks frantically through diary/planner* OMG, it is! OMG, all the assignments that are due!! OMG, all the rehearsals I'm meant to run, all the scenes to block, all the songs to run through before the July rehearsals*! OMG, all the social things! OMG, two weeks left in the semester?!! OMG!!!!"
So I turned to Henk sitting next to me and said mildly, "Whoopee doo."
Salt** this weekend is out. For the next couple of weeks, it's late nights and early mornings. There will be quiet weekends at home and very few coffee dates.
It's very excellent timing. My purse is just a tad light this month.
// * A week long intensive rehearsals, where everything is polished and fine tuned. Extremely stressful, and fatiguing. We try to do as much as possible before those rehearsals, so we won't end up wanting to down a whole bottle of vodka by the end of the week.
** A nightclub. //
Sunday, May 19, 2002
at 10:04 PM A roving eye to see Some of the girls and I had coffee in a little coffee shop on Swanston Street, near the Melbourne Town Hall, late last night. Strong cappucino, with four packets of sugar stirring, stirring. It was drizzling, cold and water was puddling about our shoes. But we sat there for a while, and blatantly checked out every single young male that came into the cafe.
Cappucino, hot chocolate, a latte. Cigarettes, second hand smoke, and the heat radiating from the upright oil heaters. Loud giggling, and chin nodding at a particular fine specimen. Gazing past the water droplets on the glass screens, onto the tram tracks on Swanston Street. Caffeine buzz, and periodic buzzings of the mobile phones.
It was fun for a while.
I will not wish for a set of circumstances that cannot be so right now. I will not dwell, and I will not sigh over circumstances that are presently beyond my control.
I will go on.
at 3:15 PM In a galaxy far, far away ... So Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of the Clones, last night. Senator Padme Amidala's clothes were nice. I like her hair, and she's very easy on the eye. Natalie Portman is a goddess, for sure. Yoda was cute, waving his walking stick around. So were the little chickadees learning to 'sense the Force'. Bobo Fett was evil looking, for a ten year old.
But everything else sucked.
My $10.50 could have been better spent. I was disappointed. Complete washout of a night.
"You're just the kind of boy,
that girls like me enjoy.
You act like you're so straight,
baby, I can tell you're fake."
- Happy, messy love, Rachael Kane
The song makes me laugh, puts a keen gleam in my eyes, and makes my entire body dance. It reminds me of him ... the laughter, shared evil glances of hilarity, unspoken understanding, and the fun that surrounds our relationship.
at 1:45 PM I remembered! Matt, the student teacher, was doing a demonstration on the steps by the oval to test the Law of Conservation of Mass.
1. Place sucrose in beaker.
2. Pour concentrated sulfuric acid into said beaker.
3. Observe and record observations.
"Now, it's going to take about 5 minutes before you will see anything happening. Can anyone predict what's going to happen?" Matt asked.
"Is it going to explode?" asked one eager student.
"Wait and see," said Matt.
So they waited and saw. In the beaker, the solution was turning yellow, and water vapour was beginning to escape. Dramatic reactions has not happened yet.
"Is that it?!!!" One student was obviously disgusted.
"What? Did you expect it to do blackflips for you?!"
at 1:37 PM Dum de dee dum de I forgot what I was going to say.
I feel winter's chilly fingers returning. My 4 year old plum coat sits in my closet, neglected. Reluctant to put it on, because as soon as I put it on, I take on a different persona.
I have a bruised thigh and hip from slipping on the kitchen floor this morning. Ow.
I'm going through the cast list and trying to connect faces to names. We are compiling an understudies list.
Being grateful Belter Girl has been roped in to help with vocal coaching. I am no belter, no singer of hard rock songs. I am, purely and simply, a classical singer.
Adelaide's down for the weekend, and we are apparently going drinking in the city. Guess what? I'm driving.
The brat's mobile phone bill - a grand total of $7.00. Amazing.
Star Wars, Episode 2. Saturday night, with Insomniac. Livy big Star Wars fan.
It's finally cold, and last year's jumper is too thin.
Sucrose and sulfuric acid demonstration. Long dark carbon column. Water vapour, exothermic reaction, fizzly gas. Stinks to high heaven of badly burnt sugar. But high gross and 'explosion' factor for impressionable 15 year old males who just want to see things explode in a science class.
"Thanh coped it really bad from me the second year of uni. He drove me nuts ...." [more]
Been writing heaps. Amazing.
Drexl - another find.
at 1:59 PM Seeing through the camera I've plugged Shermen before. Go take a look at his work again.
See Melbourne through his eyes. It's a beautiful place.
at 10:41 AM Ack So I rocked up to rehearsal last night and did all the rehearsal things. Then Italian Dude and I got caught up in a meeting with The Director and a few of the senior members of the cast. Discussing really serious stuff here - morale of the cast, organisation, what people have been doing, what some of the senior members could be doing to help out, etc etc etc. Then The Director let slip this one little fact.
"Look, not everyone has the personality or ability to interact with people on this huge level. I have had people calling me up, emailing me, wanting to help out with the production, to be on the production team - there must be 50 people on the waiting list for that. But they don't have that interaction skills thing .. you know what I mean?"
At that moment, this was going through my head. "Ow. Head hurts, head hurts. Hungry. Hungry. Cold. Cold. Freezing cold. WHAT?!!! 50 people?!!! And I just walked in and she gave me the opportunity, and let me do basically what I wanted with the kids within reason?! OMG!"
The shock must have shown. The Director turned to Italian Dude and I, "Not that it puts any pressure on you or anything."
Heh. Pressure. What pressure? My head just ballooned to huge proportions then.
"Wow. I'm honoured. Wow. I'm good. Wow. We're excellent. Wow. We're damn good. Ack. We better make this show good, it's going into our portfolio."
Ego just went sky high. Someone burst my bubble, quick, before I get too unbearable to live with.
I shouldn't be so flippant about it. I know I do good, if not great work, and the kids respond well to me. I'm glad and gratified that The Director has seen this, and given me opportunities to develop my skills up to the point where I am almost co-directing the show with her. It's giving my confidence a definite boost, and I am able to encourage the kids to a new level. My stress levels are high because of added responsibilities, for sure, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm chalking it up as new experiences.
But all these going-ons makes me long for him. If only just to hear him nag me to eat, sleep, and sit still for one moment.
"I don't know what exactly is going on. None of them has said anything concrete ..." [more]
at 8:28 AM Sniffling still I'm getting mighty tired of the cold. But it's helped me to get out of some classes. It's making me wonder about what my body is trying to tell me.
Esmeralda: but hey why the secret?
ianthe: shy.
Esmeralda: all in good time I suppose....
Esmeralda: shy?? come on...
Esmeralda: nothing to be shy about *GRIN*
Esmeralda: olive?? SHY??
Esmeralda: hmmm... doesn't go together
ianthe: uh huh. lol. olive. shy.
Esmeralda: hehheeh that's a laugh
Yes, I am 'shy' about certain things, or rather, I like my privacy. I'm not being secretive, I'm just being selective. Besides, some things are just too precious to be bandied about in everyday conversation.
But oh lordy, can the girls scent a romance from miles away! As soon as they hear a hint, they all come rushing up, demanding the latest. Livy can do nothing but blush and say very little then.
Oh, Joy. If you ever see me do a Lilian on you lot, hit me over the head please. Hard.
at 10:52 AM Am I or am I not? Think I spoke too soon.
It's a grey, grey day outside, and I can't stop sniffling. Blast this cold.
at 8:32 AM I swear I've been sick My cold is nearly better, thank you very much. Doubt anyone would believe I was sick in the first place, I've healed so quickly, thanks to the wonders of silver colloidial solution (don't ask) and half an hour of reiki before I fell asleep last night. Nose is still somewhat stuffed, but it's the end-of-the-cold kind of stuffiness. So by tomorrow, I should be back to my bouncy self! Or even perhaps by the end of today!
Tempted to bunk classes to play Monopoly Tycoon. Jason shall rue the day he allowed me to sight that game on his computer.
"That's a good way to introduce business principles to the Year 11s," I was musing.
"Eh? *mumbles something*," Jason said.
I wasn't listening, engrossed in trying to beat the Battleship and the Shoe, to be the first to gain a daily $3000 profit.
Sunday, May 12, 2002
at 2:17 PM A red nose The princess is off sick. She's feeling mighty sorry for herself, the spoilt and pampered thing. Her noise is a warm shade of red, and she can't hear very well because of the blocked sinuses. She's mumbling a great deal more than normal, and the cloud around her head is definitely bigger at the moment. She's more absent minded than normal, more snappish than normal. She's even more careless with grammar and sentence structure than normal, answering folks with grunts and 'whatevers'. She has had to stay home the whole weekend and refrain from going out for impromptu coffee dates. It's an complete, absolute tragedy!
So the princess shall take herself off to wallow in self-pity, hot tea, heart warming soups, lashings of Vitamin C, and hours of Monopoly Tycoon.
One good thing about a cold - it's just about the only time I have anything substantial in my lower voice register.
Saturday, May 11, 2002
at 10:51 PM Hello There's a frog in my throat, and I speak like this ...
"Jathoooonnn, whereth the tithhueths?"
Yippee, it's time for the annual cold!
Friday, May 10, 2002
at 2:54 PM OJ, please There's a cold/flu virus making the rounds.
I think I might be getting it. My nose is semi-stuffed, and my throat is semi-scratchy, and I'm feeling tired.
"Can't press rewind, and turn it back, and call it now."
- Breathe in now, george
Would that I could get the words out, to tell you the million sensations I have, the million things that I want to say.
at 5:46 AM Zing goes the heartstrings "I go all tingly when I flirt with him. I never get tingly when I flirt with the other guy."
Remember those tingly sensations? Remember the headiness? The confusion? The delicious excitement? The fear? The uncertainty?
Oh, that comment from an acquaintance about her current status brought home all the bewildering emotions I have been experiencing for the past six months or so. It shows no sign of ending yet.
I still get tingly. I am still afraid. At times, I'm uncertain. There's a definite headiness, but the confusion has dissipated somewhat.
It's Thursday, and tomorrow's my free day.
Finally finished the two assignments that have been plaguing me, and now I can play.
"Stay there in your corner, there's no need for you to be at my side. Let there be a whole world and many things unsaid between us. Let the whirling thoughts dance around us, throwing us frequently off balanced with each bounce. Let us just stand here, and watch with greedy eyes the every thought, the every movement, the every piece of soul that's thrown our separate ways." [more]
Tuesday, May 07, 2002
at 5:53 AM Seeing past the dark bags, and the pale, pale face I'm tired. A little soul tired too.
My steps are a little draggy this morning, my mouth a little snappish, my legendary patience slowly evaporating, my gaze centred on the pavement directly beneath my feet, my mood bordering on rude and offensive.
Too little sleep, and dreams haunted by the yakkings of a non-silent mind.
The week is miles long with not a spot of soul sunshine. I have to go a-wandering when I'd rather not go a-wandering. It's up before the birds, and home after the birds, when all around is darkness and isolation.
After a weekend of saying I don't need to cry, I suddenly find myself needing to cry. Folding into myself to sob away the tiredness, the tension, the stresses, the returning headaches, the million and one things that have been bothering me.
I see the tired white face reflected in the big glass windows of the train.
Hello. You look gawd damn awful.
Yeah, fuck you too.
Monday, May 06, 2002
at 11:14 PM Yeah, you The Tyrant and I are not speaking to each other. We are ignoring each other, never speaking directly to each other.
I'm not terribly upset about it. Just fleetingly annoyed. Felt like pounding him to a pulp in the past week anyhow. So him ignoring me, and me ignoring him is good.
I get peace, quiet, and a little less bother.
That sounded callous.
at 7:14 AM Awww You know you're a terrible romantic when stories like this have you aww'ing and sniffling all over the place, and makes you want to send flowers and candy to your beloved. That's such a good way to begin the day.
It's soooooo tweee!
Awwwwwww .. so tweeeeeee!
Oops, I'm running late. Again.
at 6:20 AM It's upon us I heard mentions of exams over the weekend.
The boys attend the same uni at the moment.
"When does the exam timetable come out? Isn't it supposed to be out now?" Jason muttered.
Denning was playing violent games on the 'puter. "Uh no," he mumbled.
"Then when?"
"Uhh ..." *mad bashing on the keyboard*
At the youth group I attend once in a blue moon, on Friday night. "There's are pieces of paper going around. If you would write when your exams are, we shall light candles and pray for you on those days."
Insomniac complaining about her exam schedule. "3 exams in one week! How can anyone study for them like that?!"
Poor diddums.
*smirks*
I'm smirking because I have no exams. I'll repeat that. NO EXAMS. Absolutely none.
But I have assignments, and lesson preparations. Lots of them. Lots and lots of them.
It's a fair exchange.
*smirks*
Saw The Gift last night, and found it .... suspenseful, now that I think about it. When I was watching it, I thought it creepy, and I just couldn't look. The dolt laughed at me and said in frequent intervals,"There's someone behind her. Look!! Come on, look!"
He laughed at me too and said, "It isn't really scary ..."
It is, it was!
I don't like movies in that genre.
Um, but I liked The Others and The Sixth Sense. Only because they were really well done, with amazing twists, which left the viewers gasping in disbelief. The Gift was predictable.
My name is: Liv, Livy.
I may seem: friendly, flirtatious, hippie New Age chick, energetic, optimistic, carefree, centred and yet flighty.
But I'm really: carefree, hippie New Age chick, cynical, sensitive, self-centred.
People who know me think I'm: soft-hearted, caring, silly, very blur.
If you knew me you'd probably: think I'm nuts.
Sometimes I feel: detached from my emotions - a defense mechanism.
In the morning I: wonder what time it is.
I like to sleep: when I'm tired.
If I could be doing anything right now I would be: shopping, or laughing with friends.
Money is: desirable. Nice.
One thing I wish I had is: a library.
One thing I have that I wish I didn't is: shoes that felt fine in the store, but are agony to wear once away from the store.
All I need is: soul strength.
All you need is: you decide.
If I had one wish it would be: that everyone finds their own inner peace.
Love is: freedom, light and acceptance.
If an angel flew into my window at night I would: say, "Come and have tea, Gabriel"
If a demon crashed into my window I would: say, "Tea? You've met Gabriel?"
If I could see one person right now it would be: Superduperglorious Friend
Something I want but I don't really need is: New boots.
Something I need but I don't really want is: A little more common sense.
I live for: what life brings around tomorrow.
I dare you all to: play like five year olds.
I am afraid of: the unknown.
I dream: constantly.
at 3:16 PM Map, please I got lost again. Within 1.5km from home.
"Where's that turning again? Hey, good song. *sings along* Damn it, missed the turning. Damn, damn, damn. Oh, I know, I'll take this turning. Hmm ... where now? Okay, turn down here. Street sounds familiar. Turn left, okay. Nice house. Oooh, nice flowers. Roundabout. Where? Okay, left again. Speed bumps? Why are there speed bumps here? Where am I?!! HEY!! WRONG WAY. Idiot. Home's back that way! Quick, make Uuey!"
And all the way home, "You need a map permanently tatooted somewhere, woman."
If only I had Dorothy's shoes. Then, I only need to click my heels three times and say, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home."
Saturday, May 04, 2002
at 4:39 PM Random flashes One. The sister of an old schoolmate and I giggling over a good looking guy at the end of mass.
"He's cute in a blur-rish kind of way," I giggled.
"You know, the more I look at him, the more I think he's not that cute anymore," she said.
We both dissolved into wild giggles.
Two. Jason and I driving home after mass.
"I'm hyped. What's there to do? Want to go coffee and movie?" he said.
"I ring Insomniac, see whether she wants to come or not."
"Okay."
What? No argument?
Three. "Neh .. my books so heavy. I want Jason to go dump them in his car," I said.
"I'm not your slave!" said Jason. "What for I do that?!"
B. laughed and said, "Get Mr. << Bleep >> to carry it for her!"
And everyone along the pew dissolved in laughter.
Heh.
Friday, May 03, 2002
at 1:09 PM Sing me a song of joy I miss Superduperglorious Friend. I wonder what she's doing?
Sing me song a joy, little ones.
A song of the sun, and the rain pattering on the sill.
Sing, sing me a song of joy, beloved ones,
and we all shall weep of its beauty and tranquility.
at 12:08 PM 'It' has expired There is none like Jia. No one blogs like her. I can search for all eternity, and find there is none like Jia.
Oops, listening to Vineyard's There is none like you. Subliminal messages, embedded in the recesses. One day, I'm going to make Jason sing it with me - him carrying the melody, while I warble on second voice. Haha!
Anyways ...
There is none like Jia. But burbur comes pretty darn close.
at 10:29 AM For a limited time only The pensive, morose, depressive Livy is back! For one day only!
Hopefully.
Need to go shopping. Need to have buzzy cappucinos. Need to laugh. Need to get out of the house. Need to put on glad rags and party! Need to forget the silly me. Need to let go, instead of hanging on.
Also need to start on uni assignments and teaching round reflections. Need to think about healthy eating and happy things. Need to go talk to the boys, see what's happening with them. Need to play.
Need to meditate and clear my aura.
I'm a hippie, New Age chick.
Think I'll go to a hip hop class.
Thursday, May 02, 2002
at 10:55 PM Journal'ing I've decided to split my life into blogging madness and introspective journaling. The lighthearted side in in a minute ..., the pensive morose depressive side in Above all things ....
at 1:07 PM Plod, plod Jason and I got pizza last night. There were leftovers.
I had them for breakfast and washed it down with Diet Coke. All before 10am.
Woohoo.
Pizza and Coke for brekky has effectively killed my appetite for the rest of the day. Good way to lose weight. Maybe. Possibly.
My to-do list is endless.
It's such a molasses day. I haven't done a single thing on that list yet, and I'm due at yet another rehearsal in two hours.
at 8:39 AM Getting out Am contemplating a domain move. Getting tired of not being able to display visuals.
Have been sitting on the idea for a bit. Will be sitting on the idea for a bit more. Will decide later when I have had food to power my brain. Or when I have some idle moments to think pleasant thoughts.
There's a million things I should be doing before I go back to uni next week.
Contemplating lightly about a country placement in July. Assignments I haven't started. Laundry. Piles of books to organise. Coffee dates. Leadership program. Dinner dates. Blocking scenes, learning music. Mother's Day card. Wonky left front tyre.
I need to make a list.
It's a blue-ish kind of day today. I see no sun - doesn't it want to play today?
*mourns*
Wednesday, May 01, 2002
at 7:41 AM "I'll huff and I'll puff" I'm trying to read The Two Towers. Is it me, or is it really, really slow?
Have a sneaking suspicion it's going to go back to the library, unfinished.
at 6:39 AM Leader'ing The Director was conducting a Year 11 SAC yesterday, or something, so she couldn't take rehearsal. This I didn't find out until I actually got to rehearsal.
Said Exuberant Young Thing to me, "Ms. C isn't here today!"
I stopped in my tracks. "WHAT?!"
Tall Dark Guy said, "We're taking rehearsal today."
"Who?"
"We. Us."
"WHAT?!!"
Exuberant Young Thing said, "She wants us to go through Scene 4A, 4B, 4C."
I toddled. "Right." My mind was whirling, stunned with the news.
I hate responsibility, you see. I am no willing leader. I am the able and loyal assistant, but I hate being leader. Last night, I had to be Leader since ...
Hey, who appointed me Leader?!!
Italian Dude walked in a few minutes later and I could have kissed him in gratitude. But I didn't. Instead I jumped up and down, and squealed excitedly.
"OMG. OMG. You're here! OMG. OMG. You're here!"
Here was someone I worked with before, someone I was familiar with. Someone who was familiar with me, and how I worked. Tall Dark Guy is fantastic, but he's unfamiliar. I've known Italian Dude for two years.
We got through the scenes. In fact, we ran them twice, and still had time to work exclusively with some of the leads.
But I don't ever want to do that again.
I rang him, still wired and tense from rehearsal, chattering excitedly.
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